Which came first, the chicken or the egg

Reading back over various entries and assessing my mood this week, it's dawning on me that I appear to be a generally unhappy person. This kind of sucks. All my life I sort of thought of myself as unflappable and laid back. Now I'm starting to see that my seemingly cool exterior might be a veneer covering up a tortured individual. Today there is actually no question that I'm unhappy. (I'm still recovering from this weekend when MNB ended up getting to second base with his neighbor's big-titted 23 year old wife while I was sleeping in the next room.) I wonder though if my general willingness to stay with someone who is such an asshole, like my ex-husband before him, is because I'm just sad. Or, do I stay in a state of perpetual sadness because of my willingness to stay with someone who is such an asshole? Perhaps the world will never know.