Which came first, the chicken or the egg

Reading back over various entries and assessing my mood this week, it's dawning on me that I appear to be a generally unhappy person. This kind of sucks. All my life I sort of thought of myself as unflappable and laid back. Now I'm starting to see that my seemingly cool exterior might be a veneer covering up a tortured individual. Today there is actually no question that I'm unhappy. (I'm still recovering from this weekend when MNB ended up getting to second base with his neighbor's big-titted 23 year old wife while I was sleeping in the next room.) I wonder though if my general willingness to stay with someone who is such an asshole, like my ex-husband before him, is because I'm just sad. Or, do I stay in a state of perpetual sadness because of my willingness to stay with someone who is such an asshole? Perhaps the world will never know.

Somebody slap me

I think it would be great if I had a reset button like my modem. Sometimes I just feel like I need to be rebooted. Today, for example. It's Friday, the weather is p-e-r-f-e-c-t, and I'm staring a 3-day weekend in the face. However, none of these blessed events is registering with me. I'm walking around in what I sometimes call a "merciful fog." Most of the time, I could have shit raining down on me, but if it's sunny outside, the shit just rolls off while I'm smiling like someone in an Orbit Gum commercial. Somehow, it's not working today. Perhaps a little electroshock therapy is in order?

mixing drugs

It's Saturday after yet anoather exhausting week. I've been on the road all week with what I've been calling the circus, but was really a series of workshops for clients. So, I've had to paste a smile on my face most of the week and try not to get overly fed up the togetherness required when you're roaming the country with 10-20 colleagues. Not only was I dragging ass, but I've been trying to fend off the nagging depression that I can sense in the back of my psyche. Today, a bitchy call from my ex broke the levee, so to speak, & all of the sudden I was Hamlet's soul mate.


So, I gave up trying to do housework & sat down at the computer. Then, Everything is Wrong with Me introduced me to mixwit.com. Turns out posting playlists is the wonder drug. Although I've only got two mixes posted, it's easy to see the progression of my mood. The first one, aptly titled "melancholy," is self indulgent and a little depressing -- but still awesome. Making the second one, completely brought an end to my pity party. Now I'm smiling at the lizards and birds in my back yard, drinking a beer, dancing around the house, and complimenting myself on my impeccable, yet quirky taste in music. (I don't have the time to wait for someone else to give me accolades.)